This is the story of my life. I'm sure many introverts and fantasy nuts like myself have had this similar feeling. When I was a kid, I could find myself stuck in my own imagination, feeling like I was supposed to be a part of something bigger. I felt as though Gandalf would appear at any moment to give me a quest that only I could fulfill or that Falcor would fly in and wisk me away to Fantastica where only I could help the Child-like empress with a new name. It never happened, of course, but even at thirty-two, I still feel like something is supposed to happen.
I also suffer from depression, and I think the two feelings are linked. I have my fair share of real life goals, many that I have accomplished, but as soon as I achieve them I get stir crazy.
It's finally come to the point where I am realizing that this feeling will never go away and it's not because of something that I haven't done yet. It's just engrained in me like some sort of spiritual brand. I have this striking feeling that no matter what I do or accomplish, I will feel as if I was meant for something else. I will always be restless. That's why I have decided to work a lot more on mindfulness lately. My brain is always in five-thousand other places and I need to just relax, take a deep breath and be.
I also think this is why I love witchcraft and ritual so much. When I am practicing, that feeling of being homesick sort of disappears, or at least, quiets down a lot. It feels as though I am tapping into something or someplace where I was meant to be. When I cast a circle, it feels as though I have erected a hobbit hole around myself and the mundane world just falls away. Whether this is all in my head or not doesn't matter. I feel it in my heart. It's real to me.
I've been seeing things out of the corner of my eye a lot lately. The skeptic in me wants to brush it off, but the thing is this hasn't happened in a long time. I'm just going to go with it and let it happen. If it's mundane, it's mundane, but I am going to note the frequency in which it happens. It feels like it might be important so I don't want to ignore it completely.
We shall see. We shall see.
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